If I Were To Be Honest....

I have found that it is my hardest moments where I feel like I'm going to snap that I am the most honest with God...

This past week I noticed little seeds of bitterness and anger being thrown my way and to be honest I wasn't sure where they had planted or if they had taken root. I noticed I was really snappy and quick to anger yet had no clue what was going on.

Today during my moment of snapping after being picked at all week I finally blew up. It was the sound of a huge hot air balloon being popped... it wasn't pretty,  I wasn't pretty and I puked up every last bit of dark anger that had crept into my heart. You see, when the Lord tells us not to go to bed angry it's for a reason. Truly we are to search our hearts each night before bed because when we lay down angry or with un-forgiveness in our hearts it takes root :-/ During my moment of snapping I was able to work it out with the Lord, I opened up and was honest with how I was feeling even letting out some ugly stuff about a certain person. No, none of you reading this ;-)

I had shared things with the Lord that I really didn't know were there. You see being a single mom of 3 children is not easy and it was during my honest moment with the Lord He revealed to me why I was so angry.

It's rough walking the narrow path and if it was easy friends everyone would be on it. It's seriously a choice we make not just daily but momentarily. There is always paths to take that look and seem better but we know deep inside they lead down a dark path.

That's how I look at my singleness anyway. There are moments when temptation come that I just want to throw in the towel and say "enough, I can't do this" or times I think about how easy it would be to just accept second best in a husband and father for my kids.

To be honest if I sat here and said it was easy being 28 and single trying to live pure I'd be telling you a big fat lie. ITS HARD!! There are moments when paying bills, taking out the trash, doing dishes, homeschooling kids, being a taxi and doing yard work gets old. The pressure caves in and I want to fold. Times when I scream out to the Lord "how much longer until I see your promises Lord? I don't see the big picture, help me to understand.
 It's during those moments when I hear his words echoing in my heart like today. "Desiree, I see the big picture,  I know what's to come, hold on a little bit longer my promises are really coming."
 Then this scripture came to mind.
Romans 8:25 NLT

But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.

So I will wait patiently and confidently knowing that in God's perfect timing His promises will come to pass. In the mean time growing in patience and long suffering is a good thing. ;-) by the way you do realize when growing in these areas we must actually go through things that cause us to be patient and long suffering right?...

Remember sweet friends before you rest your head open your heart up to the Lord, ask Him to search your heart and remove anything that is unclean in there. Also don't go to sleep angry at your spouse be thankful for them and give them a hug and a kiss goodnight.

And again if I were to be honest the hardest day serving the Lord is 1,000 times better then 1 minute apart from Him. I wouldn't trade this narrow path for any straight path out there. ;-)

Rest well my friends!