Not on My Watch

I spent the day with some of my nieces and nephews who are under the age of 3. Wow, did it bring back memories of tired days and constant reinforcement. I was tired just from 5 hours with those little turkeys. It really made me appreciate my grown kids who get their own drinks, wipe their own butts, entertain one another and clean up after themselves (for the most part anyway). But then I thought why does motherhood still feel so hard?

After a rough couple of days and then dealing with sin issues in my 12 year olds heart I have decided that motherhood never gets easier it just changes. Like tears we shed over our toddlers disobedience  changes in to tears we shed over our 12 years old disobedience. Conclusion is, our kids sin issues change along the way. The bible says folly is bound up in the heart of a child and it's our job to drive it out.

As I was disciplining my daughter the Lord spoke to me as my parent. I told my daughter I wasn't going to let the enemy snatch her from my home and that I would do everything in my power to protect her and that I wasn't  going to lose her to this world. God whispered "and so I would do the same for you".... He put Romans 8:38-39 on my heart

 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

It is no secret that the enemy wants our soul and if we are children of God he can not have our soul but that doesn't mean he won't steal from us. He can steal our joy and peace,  as well as our blessings if we let him. I don't want to give the dude credit but let's be real he works 24-7 in the business of evil and sometimes we get tired and cave into his stupid lies.

But God!! He is a victor. He won and He will always win. I don't have the power in my own strength to defeat the enemy and all his schemes so I must look to God when the war grows fierce or I begin to grow weary and tired.

Seeing how the enemy tried to come into my house and snatches my daughter just makes this all so much more real. Not on my watch. Because, I am my daughters keeper and I realize I am fully responsible for her life as long as she is under my care. So as the watchman over this family I have seen what is coming to attack my home and you know what it's a big army. Am I afraid?  Maybe alittle but I know who goes and fights before me. The best place to be is on my knees. Praying and interceding for my children and family.

So you see, It never gets easier being a mom, trials just look a little different.

This world is growing more evil by the moment and the evil army by the seconds is gaining more and more fighters so we must make a stance and a choice. If you think for any second you can live lukewarm while raising kids you are crazy. These kids watch every move and everyday we as parents are shaping them. Don't waiver friends and don't led up because the moment that you do the enemy sneaks in to destroy. And you know what?! I want to raise warrior’s and difference makers. Kids who will be raised up and change the evil world they live in.

So right now as a mom you can find me on my knees as my God fights for my family. If I as a mother am imperfect but won't stop fighting for my children's souls how much more is our perfect Heavenly Father going to never stop fighting for our souls. He won't ever stop friends. Nothing can take us from His great love. And you know what nothing can ever steal my kids from my great love for them. Nothing, not Ever!

Who is your Father?

     Growing up father's day was a special day for our home. We had an awesome dad who got up every single day to go to work. Even when his body felt broken from the hard labor he rolled himself out of bed to go to work for us. He didn't just stop there though like most dad's do. When he came home he'd use the restroom have some coffee and take us to an evening of practice in one of the million sports and seasons we played. He didn't just want to make a difference in our lives but hundreds of other kids as well. He sacrificed his time to give us time that would later on make the strongest difference in our life. So you see we had a father that we wanted to celebrate each year. And I still do.

     My kids though, there father's day plays out a little different. Unfortunately I made some bad choices over the years and there biological father has as well. Because he chooses selfishness they lose out on a father. They aren't raised in the way I was raised having both mother and father, in fact all of them have expressed that they don't even know what it feels like to have a dad so they have no clue what they are missing. I hold tight to that answer when tears from my heart pour from my eyes. I so badly want them to have the kind of father I had. Someone to cry to, someone you know is your protector at night when you hear a scary sound. Someone to reassure you that you are accepted and loved when the boy you liked just crushed your heart.....

    I get angry sometimes and sometimes I cry. Why don't my children have a father? Lord why don't you make this right for them? Send them a man who will raise them better then any man ever will or even better then their father could have. I know God can do it which is why I ask and wonder. He hears me and he sees them so what's taking so long? And why do I feel as though he is not answering?

   While I have no clue what our future holds and what God's plan is I know it's better then mine. Even when our fatherless home is in an uproar because homes weren't meant to be like this I just cling to the promises of God. When the enemy and the world tells me my children will turn out wrong because of their fatherless home I fight back with the promises of God. Did you know this is what the statistics look like for a fatherless home.

              90% of homeless and runaway children

              63% of youth suicides

              85% of children who exhibit      behavioral disorders

              71% of pregnant teenagers

              80% of rapists motived          
               with displaced anger

              90% of repeat arsonists

              85% of youths in prison

              60% of repeat rapists

    Yikes that is frightening. That's what my children are up against. While some single moms like to consider themselves super heroes I always try and remember that I couldn't do this without Him. You want the truth, I hate taking our trash out. I hate worrying about yard work and I am  so sick of carrying the weight of what the man was created for.  Ans I hate it at night when I hear a scary noise and realize I am the one who has to go check it out. Seriously guys although these are things I have to do I don't like doing them.

    So what keeps me from throwing in the towel? While my kids are second in line Jesus is my answer. Do I get tempted to drink my pain away, yes! Do I get tempted to marry any Tom Dick or Harry yes. It's hard. But what keeps me in obedience to God's will is His great love for me. And you know what I trust that although my kids will have pain because of being fatherless they will learn God's love for their lives too. That great love will keep them from straying and they too will desire to be obedient to Christ. One of my favorite promises is He is Father to the Fatherless and defender of widows. So when my kids seem to be up against stupid statistics the one that shines even greater is the fact that they have a Father in heaven who makes things new. Who takes all the bad and works it out for His glory and their good. I can trust this when my heart is filled with sadness and sorrow. When I see my children hurting I can remind them who God is and His great love for each of them.

    See everyone here on earth will face troubles. Every human being will go through something that will either drive them to Christ or cause them to curse Him. As for me and my house though no matter how bad or sad we "feel" we will serve the Lord and praise His name.

    So in ending this my heart is encouraged once again to hang tight. To keep serving the Lord full heartedly because His will is far greater then mine....

    Hoping and praying that whatever you are facing today you realize God loves you and that you can trust Him. When things don't look right and sorrow fills your heart cling to Jesus friend.

It Is Good

God's word tell us that when we delight ourselves in Him that He gives us the desires of our heart....

I use to have a foggy understanding of that promise from God. That blurred understanding caused me to feel hurt, frustration and even anger towards God. Why didn't God give me what I wanted? I would say that the question I had for Him that caused great anger was why didn't He fix my marriage? What kind of God wouldn't want children to have their father?

These were all things that stirred in the depths of my heart.

God in His infinite wisdom and creativity created the woman for the man and His word says the man was not complete without the woman and therefore that causes us to understand that it is not good for man to be alone, God says this Himself. The Lord placed the desire deep within our hearts to be married and to long for marriage, I'd say especially for us woman. We know from a young age that we are some one's missing rib. This desire is so great that for most of us as little girls we plan out our wedding day. What our dress will look like, how we will do our hair and sometimes we even pick a boy who we will marry. I even picked the song I was walking down the aisle too.... That is just who we are as woman and you know what? I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I believe God the Father has placed those desires in the depths of our heart.

You know where I think the problem lies. The problem is when we get raised thinking it's okay to have sex before marriage, or even get emotionally connected with someone who may or may not be who God has created for us. In the Songs of Solomon God says that we are not to awaken Love before it's time. We seriously need to take heed to that warning. There is a reason for this. God is always telling us not to do something not because He is mean but because He knows what the consequences will look like if we do the thing He warns us not to do. Look how many children are fatherless due to sex before marriage. Look at America's divorce rate. And for crying our loud look how many babies are murdered each day due to people just entering relationships because they "feel" lonely. As this generation roars to be heard about the fact that they should live life to it's fullest and do what makes them happy they in all actuality are being deceived by the enemy. In the end they'll pay the consequences to this life they have chosen.

See biblically God shows us that He created this one woman for Adam. He didn't create many woman or say sleep with these woman before you settle down with Eve. No, He placed Adam in a deep sleep and took from him his rib and formed the woman that was known to Adam as Isha. Adam knew this gem was for him and only him and God seen that and said it was good.

We all know what happens next. Sin enters the world because the deceiver conspired a plan to twist God's truth to Eve. Our enemy uses that same tactic today. He comes and whispers the exact opposite of what God has promised. He twists God's promises causing us as woman or single people to believe that God's promise won't come to pass.

Look at what He put in the mind of Abraham and Sarah. He fed them lies that God's promise of them having a son would not come from Sarah but rather they were to get Sarah's maid servant pregnant and have a son through her. That sounds so ridiculous right!? I know. But how often do we do this? Especially in our walk as single men and woman.

I know I do. The desire of being a wife grew so great in me rather then waiting on God I forced something that wasn't from God. I made God's promise of a husband come to pass the way I thought it should look. I had premarital sex along with marrying someone that the Lord did not have in mind or at least not at that time.

Like Abraham I brought so much hurt and pain to my children, others who loved me and my own self as well.

I know it's hard waiting for God's promises sometimes. Believe me, I get it. I long to be a help mate and I so believe that that desire is from the Lord. So what do I do with these desires?... I simply delight myself in the Lord.

Remember we have an enemy who is always looking to steal kill and destroy and 99% of the time he doesn't come at you with horns and a pitch fork. He disguises himself as light and causes you to have a blurred vision of God's promises.

Wait, wait patiently. If you're like me that word wait makes you want to jump lol. Seek God's word and His kingdom and He will give you all that you need. Be still and sit in the presence of God knowing in His timing it shall come to pass and it will be good.

Perfect Peace

It's been a while since I have plugged away at writing and while I want to be hard on myself I am reminded that there is a season for everything.... It is summer for our house which means no home school for 10 weeks :-) which means more lazy days, more bible studies, more disciple ships, more pool days, more beach days, more workouts and more writing.

I don't think we ever stop learning to trust God. In fact our entire relationship with Him is based off of trust. Have you ever actually physically seen Jesus. I mean I get we see Him in everything and through people but I have never seen Him in physical form. Yet we trust Him. Most think we are crazy for believing something we haven't seen but Jesus says different. He says "you believe because you have seen me but blessed are those who believe without seeing me." John 20:29

I truly believe that there is a strengthening in our relationship with Christ Every time we trust Him without seeing the outcome.

Oh my gosh friends it's hard. It's scary and frightening at times but if there is anything that we can put our trust in it's God. I am a control freak, I am bossy and not being the driver of my car is hard. But being in this relationship with Christ for just about 8 years I have learned that Every time I make God sit in the back seat I always crash!

Each opportunity He gives us to trust Him is a blessing. It's a way to cast down all our fears of the unknown and reflect Every time He has been faithful and taken care of us.

One thing I say though is keep in communication with God. Sometimes our heartache can be us getting out of the car and running in front of God because we are trying to get to the next destination faster then His perfect plan is designed. All that will happen is us either getting hurt or growing weary and tired. So ask God like Simon Peter did. Say "God is that you" if God says yes then it doesn't matter how scary the surrounding can be because in His perfect will you can't be destroyed.

Peter walked on water and did something no man has ever done or can do alone because He kept His eyes on Jesus.

So friend don't be afraid of what's to come. Be in a right relationship with Jesus and trust that He will get you where you need to be at His perfect timing and will.

There is such a peace in God's will

You will keep in perfect peace those who trust in you and those whose eyes are fixed on you. Trust in the Lord always for the Lord God is the eternal rock. Isaiah 26:3-4